Friday, March 7, 2008

Three Nights At The Brown Palace




A light dusting of snow covered the antiquated downtown Denver building. I was happy to be free from the confines of the cheap strawberry scented vehicle. We were approached by a tall man wearing a doorman’s costume reminiscent of the 1920’s. Gold cording embellished his shoulders, brass buttons ran the length of his long coat; the ensemble completed by a stunning black top hat. “Good evening sir, madam, and welcome to The Brown Palace.” (Insert long low organ chord here.) Desperate for a nice bed, we hurried to check in. A prim young man offered a slanted glance and directed us to the elevators. There before us stood wooden inlaid elevator doors encrusted with a pair of winged dragons. To exit the elevator was to enter…da, da, daaaaa…The Overlook Hotel! (FYI, that’s the hotel from the movie, ‘The Shining’).

Seriously, I’ve never been creeped out by a hotel before, but this place pegged out the freak-out-o-meter. Hallways inlaid with spectacular pink and gray granite. Our floor was the only floor that didn’t overlook the grand foyer; instead the hall was lined with a wall of glass bricks. There’s no end to the spine-chilling opulence that is the Brown Palace.

Day One, Monday: Dan is off to work early in the AM. I open my computer to begin writing, get bored immediately and head for the 16th Street Mall. Four hours of walking and shopping produced one plastic encased scorpion necklace for Connor. Did I mention it’s freezing, and I’m severely out of shape? I stayed out until 3:00 to miss the cleaning woman…of course she arrived at the same time I did. Exhausted, I was forced to find refuge elsewhere. I hear piano music playing in the grand foyer; I’ll go check it out. Oh crap, their serving high tea and I’m wearing my “I’m An Alien” t-shirt and my knock-off coach purse. I found a bank of couches off the servant’s entrance and made myself comfortable. I called my daughter who lovingly played a sound byte on her computer for me…it was ‘REDRUM, REDRUM’, another ‘Shining’ moment. I held my room key tight, because I’m quite sure that at least ten of the fifty odd hotel workers that passed by wanted to eject me from The Brown as a vagrant.

Day Two, Tuesday: Dan is off to work early in the AM. Unable to sleep in the night because the 24” tall pillows have caused a terrible neck ache, so I decide to nap. Enter hotel worker one. Knock, knock, “Room service. Here to pick up your breakfast table.” I roll out of bed and grab my bottle of Diet Coke from the table before she wheels it away too. Did I mention they apparently didn’t have vending machines in the eighteen-whatevers, so in keeping with authenticity there are none in The Brown? She informs me, “Ma’am, if you continue sleeping I suggest you put the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign out.” Oh, thanks for that info. After I chained, bolted and ‘signed’ her out, I got some quality writing in; got cleaned up and went out for lunch. But first, I find hotel worker two, inform her I’m leaving, so please clean the room now. Oh, and leave an extra bar of that flesh-extracting soap, because the air is so dry it’s a necessity. Upon returning to the room with my burger and fries I realize I’m not alone. Enter hotel workers three and four, the flower ladies. I guess they didn’t have fake flowers back in the day either, because it’s these two ladies job to replace and water the in-room flowers and plants. While they extract dead leaves from the foliage, I eat my burger and watch the ending of ‘Disturbia’. Not a good idea when you’re staying in The Bates Motel! Deciding to finish my nap from earlier, I crawl into the bed and fall asleep. I dreamed Jack Nicholson axed a hole in my door, stuck his head in and said, “Here’s Johnny!”…another Shining tie-in. Dan comes back from work and we get ready to meet an old friend from Houston for dinner. We met at a place called Maggianos and ate enough Italian food to choke a horse. And then it happened…THE BROWN PALACE REVENGE. I spent the rest of the night and the better part of the next morning puking up enough Italian food to choke a horse. Did I mention I had to catch a plane to Houston at 11:00 AM?

Day three, Wednesday: At least we had a great flight…NOT! I was fine until the pilot decided to surf the plane in. I did, however, make it without losing any bodily fluids.

Honestly, I had a great time away with my hubby. It’s nice to get away and reconnect. But the best part of all is coming home to three loving kids, the wonderful grandparents that stayed with them, and a Weimaraner that won’t let me out of his sight. What’s the moral of this story? If you stay at The Brown Palace, beware of the little boy riding the tricycle around the hallways, (my last Shining reference) and…there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home!

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