Do You Need God To Be A Drill Sergeant?

Sometimes while I’m reading my Bible my imagination goes wild! As I was reading the thrilling account of the Lord giving Joshua his marching orders on Jericho, for some reason the voice of God turned into the drill sergeant, R. Lee Ermey from the (does a former drill Sgt. Make a terrible therapist) commercial by Geico Insurance.

Okay, you have to do the voice in your head as you read:

God: “See! I have given Jericho into your hand, its king, and the mighty men of valor. You shall march around the city all you men of war; you shall go all around the city once. This you shall do six days.” (Can you hear meeeeeee?)

Joshua: (But…but, Lord, Jericho is powerful and fortified and protected by many strong warriors! What good will it do to march around the city?)

God: (Now listen to me you jackwagon!) “Seven priests shall bear seven trumpets of rams’ horns before the ark. But the seventh day you shall march around the city seven times and the priests shall blow the trumpets. It shall come to pass, when they make a long blast with the ram’s horn, and when you hear the sound of the trumpet, that all the people shall shout with a great shout; then the wall of the city will fall down flat. And the people shall go up every man straight before him.” (Now drop and give me twenty-five maggot!)

Fortunately for the Israelites, Joshua wasn’t living in mamby-pamby land and didn’t have to have a drill sergeant God to get him motivated. Joshua listened to what the Lord said; he actually obeyed the Word of God and was able to pull off an amazing miracle to boot. Wouldn’t this be an awesome world if we were all like Joshua and did what the Lord said the first time around? But instead we sometimes choose to do things our own way and as a result end up walking around that ol’ mountain again and again. So the next time you hear the voice of the Lord calling you into action don’t ignore Him, get off your can and get to work scumbag!

Note: Parenthetical text added by writer

Link to R. Lee Ermey commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APwfZYO1di4